A month and a half ago, I posted an entry on Sloane Crosley, a former White Plains High School classmate of mine, and author of the successful book I WAS TOLD THERE’D BE CAKE.  Her collection of essays was receiving quite a buzz nationally, especially after the news broke that HBO was turning it into a TV series.  But the buzz back home with the fellas focused more on her BUTT, and the rumor of how shapely it had gotten since her days roaming the halls of WPHS.  She actually had even written an article for The Village Voice about her “phat ass”.  Well, it turns out Sloane got a kick out of WESTCHEDDAR’s take on her local celebrity (props to my boy Mark Grimaldi aka “Gippamaldi” for sending her the link!!!), and agreed to do an interview with me.  Check it out…

ip:  Ok Sloane, let’s get right to the important stuff.  You have an essay in your book about one night stands.  Would you have a one night stand with former White Plains High School classmate Matt Barrett?  He had a major crush on you a couple years back and he wanted me to ask you.  And if not him, is there another White Plains High School class of ’96er you always wanted to get it on with?  Keep it real.

sc:  I like how Matt’s title is so official, like, “Former WPHS Classmate and Generally Awesome Matt Barrett.” I must say I would not have a one-night stand with him.  Partially because it would be impossible (I’ve technically known him for about 20 years so he doesn’t fit the profile) and partially because I respect him too much to use him like a piece of Matt-shaped meat.

Meanwhile, of course I had a few mild crushes in high school. But it’s funny how everything works out as it’s supposed to. I wound up studying abroad with a girl who went to college with one of said crushes and the stories she told me made me realize I had dodged a bullet. But the biggest recipient of my teenage affections I don’t feel that for anymore – though knowing him very vaguely now, I do regret that we weren’t just closer friends when we were passing each other in the halls.

ip:  Do you more often fancy jocks or artists as male companions?  Explain.  

sc:  Nice, I feel like this is an interview for Tiger Beat. Usually artists. Okay, always artists. But functional ones who don’t blame the faults of their life on being an artistic.  I think there’s a lot of that in New York.  There’s a lot of that everywhere, I guess. And it’s the only quality I think I’d prefer in “jocks” (assuming that means lacrosse players-turned-investment bankers?).  You don’t see them prone to mood swings, eviction notices or reckless drug use because “of all that squash I’ve been playing, baby.”

ip:  In your book, you dive into lots of topics pertaining to life in NYC, like losing your wallet in a cab and tales of upper west side moving.  What was it that initially made you want to live Manhattan after growing up in Westchester? 

sc:  This is an excellent question which, oddly, I don’t think anyone’s ever asked me when talking about the book.  It’s hard to go back and remember what you wanted if what you’ve gotten isn’t too far off. Growing up, I definitely had – and still have – dreams of living abroad.  But in terms of cities, I always loved coming into New York either with my parents or for concerts with friends.  It’s hard to pick it apart and say “this is why I wanted to live here.”  It’s too big for that. But it’s difficult to imagine living in another US urban center  (Maybe LA or Chicago but doubtful). Sometimes it’s difficult to imagine even living in Brooklyn.  I think that’s because I spent the first 18 years of my life doing the  “just outside Manhattan” thing in White Plains.

ip:  Will you ever return to the ‘burbs? 

sc:  No, not anytime soon but maybe down the road.  And definitely if it was someplace like White Plains with all the tree-lined streets and none of the Stepford-ness.

 ip:  In the essay “Bastard out of Westchester”, you talk about how you came close to moving to Australia with your family during high school, and what your life may have been like if that actually happened.  Looking back on it all, do you wish you did have that experience as a teenager?  Or do you cherish your high school memories too much to even ponder the question? 

sc:  Oh well, naturally, I think of the glory and magnificence that is WPHS everyday. But really – in the essay I do wonder what my life would have been like. That essay is about longing for identity and I thought a move to Australia would give me that more easily.  Honestly, it probably would have. Instead I stayed put and had to figure everything out for myself . Which sounds like what you’re supposed to do anyway, right? Not let some outside force define you? Still, I would have liked more kangaroo in my life.  Also, I tan well. And I still can’t surf. So yeah, screw the self-evaluation, I wish I had in Australia.   

The book actually just came out there this month and I tried to get the publishers to send me on a book tour down there. No dice.

ip:  It’s Friday night in Manhattan.  What are you doing? 

sc:  This Friday? I have drinks with a friend and then I’m going to a party. I try to go out on Friday nights because I have this theory that if you have a big Friday, then Saturday feels like Sunday and Sunday feels like a bonus day.  But it’s hard to put into practice since I’ve gotten old and decrepit.

ip:  How do you feel about HBO turning your book into a TV Show?  Are hip authors like you into that sort of thing or is that considered selling out?  Regardless, the money must be cool. 

sc:  I feel pretty awesome about it. It is beyond strange to meet with TV writers who may soon be imitating a character named “Sloane,” but otherwise, it’s amazing. And not considered selling out. Sadly, we don’t live in a world where writers get very public opportunities to truly sell out because they’re not in the public eye the way actors and musicians and even visual artists are. So in writer-land, I think the definition of selling out is more nuanced – it’s just people who say yes to everything.

ip:  Is the show going to be more SEX AND THE CITY or CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM? 

sc:  In the end, neither. It will be its own animal. I can’t speak for HBO, but I don’t think they got where they are by just aping their past successes to death. But since those are the two of their shows that come up when talking about this book, I guess I would say I imagine it having more quirk and realism than the former and more heart than the latter.

ip:  Speaking of HBO shows, do you have an ENTOURAGE?  How deep do you roll?  Do your friends tag along with you to your book signings? 

sc:  I have a handful of friends I see on a very regular basis – the ones you don’t have to give background to on any given situation at work or in my personal life because they’ve been there from the start of it. But no, I went on book tour solo (except for New York, which is different). But I went to bigger cities where it was great to see people come out who I hadn’t seen in years.

ip:  Of course one of the standout essays in your book is the story of how your schoolgirl friend asked you to be in her wedding even though you hadn’t really been in contact with her in quite a while.  I noticed you changed the name in your book, but I’m sure that didn’t stop her from finding out about it.  I mean hey, I found out about it through the good old WP rumor mill, she must have too.  What was her reaction?  Tell us!!! 

sc:  I would classify her reaction as “not good.” I don’t think we’ll be having sleepovers and doing each other’s hair anytime soon.  But it’s also a very complicated situation involving events that happened in between when I handed in the book but before it was published.

ip:  Have you established a celebrity fan base?  Any crazy letters or emails from obsessed readers, or movie stars spotted reading your book in the pages of US Weekly? 

sc:  A few celebrity-types but other writers mostly, which blows me away.  Someone told me that Tina Fey was a fan, a fact which I chose to believe when I feel like believing. Yes, I have gotten a few crazy letters but they’re just crazy enough that I won’t give details here as those people are prone to Googling. Oh!  I got my first prison letter the other day.  That was kind of a milestone.

I haven’t seen it in US Weekly, but I’ve seen people reading it on the subway, which always makes me giddy.

ip:  You’ve been compared to David Sedaris.  How does that feel?  Have you read alot of his books?  

sc:  I’ve read all of his books except a few stories in Barrel Fever.  It feels pretty amazing.  It’s a strange genre, the personal essay. The reader trusts you so much and you’re giving them an entire personality (to accept or disregard) as much as you’re entertaining them with a book.  So any comparison I take really personally and, in this case, it’s a very good one. He’s an unbelievable talent, especially Me Talk Pretty One Day.  It can have a dark side, though, when people expect me to be an exact replica of Sedaris and I’m not.

ip:  Besides working on developing the HBO show, what’s next for you?  Are you working on anything new? 

sc:  More essays, a novel, my day job (I still work for Random House)….and maybe a nap.

ip:  And finally, how “phat” is your ass? 

sc:  I have no idea. Ask Matt Barrett?

Check out the above video of Sloane reading her essays for the Google Authors series, live from Mountain View, California.  And stay tuned, she’s doing BIG THINGS!!!!