The Fat Jew (pictured above), of the NYC based rap group Team Facelift that recently signed to Duck Down Records, is the funniest person to follow on Twitter.  Easily.  No one is even close.  His tweets are so absurd that sometimes I question if they’re real, but honestly I think most of them are completely factual.  He tweets while partying (or as he likes to say, “raging”), posts disgustingly weird links to pictures that will get you fired from your job if you open them at work, make you vomit all over yourself, or cause you to piss in your pants from laughing (I’ve yet to do any of the three but I see the potential for those things to happen), and shares hilarious thoughts and activities that dazzle your imagination.  He recently tweeted during an acid trip!  In real life, he rocks a huge afro and is known for performing shirtless in a thong, exposing his jewish fatness.  And he calls himself “The King of Brunch”.  Ha!  But the crazy thing is that he’s actually a pretty good rapper.  I remember when Team Facelift was featured a couple years ago on MTV, they posted a freestyle of his online that was INCREDIBLE.  It’s not up there anymore unfortunately, but the way he pronounced the line “I’m holding down the long thin mic like Bob Barker” used to crack me up.  I really want to meet this guy, hang with him and his boys one night, and kick raps on the streets of New York with them until my sides split.  Until then, I’ll just keep following him on twitter, and continue to LOL.  Check the link.  I’d quote some good ones for you, but there are just too many…

The Fat Jew on Twitter

Also, check out the link to his myspace page, and a bizarre video of him working on a song in a home studio. “Practice, practice, practice”.  By the way, he mentions many of his jewish aliases in the video, and they are all so funny.  His myspace account is Jewther Vandross, and the title of the youtube video below is Jew Diamond Phillips!!  Ha!!!  Check out his bio and what he’s into, then watch the video, which also includes him talking to his mom on the phone and getting tortured in the bathroom…

About me:
THINGS I’M INTO: manicures. eating brunch in the bathtub. drug buffets. honey mustard. riding horses naked. salmon-colored turtlenecks. being bodacious. pedicures. Asian men with small hands and long flowing hair. Quiche. Tony Danza’s calves. being charming. Doing it big like Ricki Lake’s thighs in ’94. frenzied behavior. loincloths. Jewish girls from Long Island. shrimp in baskets. depression. cheap champagne. penny loafers. Tom Selleck’s moustache. mango scones. buying homeless men things on ebay. watching drunk white girls at bars sing “Juicy” by Biggie. Peeing in pools. fancy in the pantry. doing the damn thing. space camp. drug buffets. teenage vampires. slicing cold cuts shirtless. spider man pajamas with feet. goon squad hooligans. Loofahs. not giving a fuck. getting my hair did. being filthy and gorgeous. transvestites. eye contact. onion bagels. being rowdy rowdy/ bout it bout it. getting dusted. movies on VHS. public access television. the gutter. flat-tops. loofahs. eye contact. Crown heights. double-dutch jump roping. Filipinos. tangerine bathrobes. reading the Post. shitty rap music. wearing colonial powdered wigs. meeting up with people to talk. pinky rings.bodacious babes. starched collars. shitty rap music. men who weep. exciting activities. tasteful floral arrangements. doing it and doing it and doing it well. The episode of 90210 featuring Color me Badd. Paintings of me naked and covered in doves, fighting a cougar with my penis shaped like a lightning bolt. white denim. black denim. inappropriately mixing denims. warm scotch. Dolly Parton. argyle everything. being more famous in Japan than Hello Kitty. girls with big sunglasses. Nine West gator pumps in banana yellow. light treason. escaping to Mexico. ice cream sandwiches. kissing cousins. a beauty queen with an M16. vomiting out of taxi windows. Jason Priestley in denim button-down shirts. being too weird to live and too rare to die.

The Fat Jew on myspace

The Arab Parrot (below with Kanye West) is someone I just recently became familiar with.  He has a great blog with EXCELLENT PHOTOGRAPHS cataloging his real life NYC experiences (and L.A. too).  I’m still learning about him, but I must note that he’s responsible for the picture of The Fat Jew riding a motorcycle at the top of the post.  I’m pretty sure he runs in similar circles with Team Facelift, because he’s got a bunch of pics with them on THEARABPARROT.COM.  His blog focuses on people he hangs with and meets at parties and on the streets (nice rhyme).  He seems to live a very fun and exciting life.  Scroll through his blog asap!  Here’s a preview of a recent post about a trip to jail…

THE WAR REPORT. WILDED IN THE STREETS TOO HARD WEDNESDAY NIGHT. ME & GARC GOT LOCKED UP ON SOME BS. DT’S. FUCK THE POLICE. THE P WAS CAGED FOR 22 HOURS. 4 AM…5TH PRECINCT. PRINTED. WOKE UP HUNGOVER ON THE CELL FLOOR. DIDN’T REMEMBER WHY I GOT BAGD. 8AM THEY BROUGHT IN SPECIAL INVESTIGATORS FROM THE TERRORIST UNIT TO INTERROGATE ME CUZ OF MY MIDDLE EASTERN BACKGROUND. WAS IN THE ROOM WITH THE TWO WAY MIRRORS HANDCUFFED TO A CHAIR MAKING EM CRACK UP. WHEN THEY REALIZED I WAS NO TERRORIST THEY SENT ME OVER TO CENTRAL BOOKINGS. SPENT 12 HOURS IN THE TOMBS, SHIT HAD ME STIR CRAZED. THE WORRRST. MAD TIGHT IN THERE. ONE DUDE KILLED SOMEONE & WAS ON THE FONE TALKIN ABOUT IT, ON HIS WAY TO RIKERS. DRUG DEALERS, USERS, HUSTLERS, JUNKIES, CRACK HEADS, DOPESICK, DRUNK DRIVERS, DRUG & GUN POSSESSION, WARRANTS, PISSIN IN PUBLIC, ONE DUDE HAD ED HARDY SHOES ON. EVERYONE WAS COOL. LOTS OF COMRADERY IN THERE. MADE A FEW HOMEYS. THEY WERE CALLIN ME SERPICO/JESUS UP IN THERE. CHEESE SANDWICHES & NASTY MILK WAS THE MENU. I HATE MILK BUT IT WAS THE BEST CHEESE SANDWICH EVER. SLEPT ON THE DIRTY ASS FLOOR, 30 IN A CELL, SHOES UNDER MY HEAD AS A PILLOW. BULL PEN THERAPY. FLOURESCENT LIGHTS. SIGNS POSTED ON HOW TO DEAL WITH FEELINGS OF SUICIDE. SHIT IS INHUMANE. EVERYONE SHARING ONE NASTY ASS TOILET. I DIDN’T SHIT THE WHOLE TIME. DIDN’T USE THE PHONE EITHER CUZ I DON’T REMEMBER ANYONES NUMBER BUT MY MOMS. SHIT SUCKED, HIGH ANXIETY, NO AIR FLOW, MAD DEHYDRATED & CLAUSTROPHOBIC. TIME DIDN’T FLY AT ALL. SITTIN THERE INDIAN STYLE KNEES BENT HANDS TOGETHER HOPING I GET OUT BEFORE THE COURT CLOSES. CO’S FINALLY CALLED OUR NAME AT 11PM. LAST GROUP TO SEE THE JUDGE OR WE WOULD’VE HAD TO WAIT IN THERE TILL THE MORNING. DIDN’T SMOKE A CIGARETTE FOR 22 HOURS. I HAD THE SHAKES. COST 5 DOLLARS FOR A SMOKE & THEN YOU HAD TO BUY A MATCH TOO. FINALLY WENT UPSTAIRS, SAW THE DA, GOT OUT OF THE FINE, JUDGE GAVE ME 3 DAYS COMMUNITY SERVE. NO FLICKS OBVIOUSLY. GOT RELEASED AT 1:30 AM INTO THE POURING RAIN. FREE BIRD. BACK TO THE CAGE, BIRD BATH & BOOZE. KINDA GLAD IT HAPPENED. KEPT RAPPIN THIS TO MYSELF THE WHOLE TIME.

For the record, he posted a youtube video below this of Mobb Deep’s “Give Up The Goods”, you know the one that starts with that Big Noyd acapella, “Sometimes I wish I had three different cases, I’m going to court for three cases in three places, one in Queens, Manhattan, one in Brooklyn, the way things is looking I’m a see Central Booking…”  He finishes his posts often with classic rap tunes.  I’m still exploring his blog myself, but I must say that you shouldn’t let this preview post sidetrack you.  He’s an excellent photographer and observer, who lives a very cultured life, constantly running into interesting people and even celebrities.  The pictures are really what makes the blog.  Here’s one of him with his camera (and major zoom lens).  And check his blog out, the link is below.  Man, these two guys need a reality show…

THE ARAB PARROT BLOG