Well, he’s not exactly Seth McFarlane, the creator of the popular animated sitcom Family Guy, but Andrew Goldberg (pictured above) used to work for McFarlane as an assistant and is now one of the staff writers on the show.  Not a bad gig for a guy who used to co-host a public access sketch comedy TV show in high school (I was his co-host if you can believe it).  Goldberg recently took a break from cracking jokes all day at his job to crack some with us and discuss what it’s like to be a writer on one of the most popular shows on television.  And he also shares his Top 5 Family Guy clips.   Check it out…

IP:  So Andrew, let’s start at the beginning.  Do you remember the first time you made someone laugh?

AG:  When I was young, I was always the class clown, to the point where my school made my parents get me tested in the second grade to see if I could be clinically classified as a specific type of pain in the ass.  If I’d been born a few years later or had lazier parents or teachers, I probably would have been stuffed with Ritalin, but fortunately they specialized my class schedule instead.  Like instead of sending me to the classes where I was most disruptive, they’d have me write short stories on my own, which was great.  I remember writing one about a guy who kidnapped Ann B. Davis (Alice from “The Brady Bunch”) to impress this girl he liked, but then he ended up falling in love with Ann B. Davis.

IP:  I heard the R and B sensation Ne-Yo say in a recent interview that the key to getting girls is having a good sense of humor?  Is that true?

AG:  I hear that a lot, but I think most of the girls I’ve “gotten” were mainly attracted to my enormous penis.

IP:  Ok, how does one become a staff writer on Family Guy?  Hard work?  Extraordinary talent?  Sexual favors?

AG:  A combination of the three.  And good timing is also important.  I first started working as the creator Seth MacFarlane’s assistant shortly after Family Guy came back from being canceled, and a lot of magazines were wanting to do “interviews” with Peter or Stewie or one of the other Family Guy characters.  This was “free work” and the writer who had been doing it was eager to let me help him out, and eventually I started writing almost all of them.  This was great, because it meant my boss and the other executive producers were reading my writing on a regular basis and seeing that I could write Family Guy jokes.  This led to me writing two freelance  episodes and a book for Family Guy while I was still an assistant.  And by doing a good job with those, I eventually got promoted.

IP:  What’s a day in the work life of a writer?  Are you holed up in an office throwing balled up papers filled with bad ideas on them into a garbage pale?

AG:  Being a TV writer, and especially a sitcom writer, is a lot of fun.  Most days you’re working in a room with anywhere from three to ten other writers, sitting around, making each other laugh.  It’s really great, and I actually miss it when I’m at home, alone, working on a script.  And a nice thing about working for an animated show is you often get to do a different thing every day.  Like yesterday, we did a rewrite on a show that had just been table read, which means that it’s early on in the production process, and they haven’t even recorded the dialogue or started animating it.  Today we’re working on figuring out a new story which hasn’t even been written yet.  And tomorrow we have a color rough cut screening and rewrite for a show that will air in the spring.

IP:  Tell us about the first episode you ever wrote for Family Guy, “Believe it or Not, Joe’s Walking on Air”.  What was it all about?  How cool was it to be see it all come together and be credited on TV?

AG:  Well, one of Peter’s friend’s, Joe, is a quadriplegic, and in that episode, he gets a leg transplant and is able to walk again.  He gets cocky, turns into an asshole, and dumps the guys for a cooler crew of friends, so they decide to re-cripple him.  It was very exciting and nerve-wracking to see it on TV.  We had a bunch of friends over, and every time everyone laughed at a joke I felt great, and every time a joke didn’t land I felt like I was gonna barf.

IP:  How are you involved as a writer in the animation process for the show?  I mean, I’ve seen you draw, and it’s not pretty.

AG:  No, I’m a terrible artist, but when it’s your episode, you participate in the storyboard launch, which is the meeting where the writers meet with the artists to answer their questions about the script, and you give notes on the storyboard.  Usually the notes from the writers are going to be about how a gag is staged or a character’s design more than the art.  Seth MacFarlane, though, began his career as an artist, so he’s very involved in overseeing the animation end.  And I’ve also been helping edit episodes for syndication, so I’ve learned some about animation editing and sound editing.

IP:  You have a new episode airing soon too that you wrote for this season.  Give us a preview.

AG:  Yeah, my next episode will air in February.  In it, Peter finds a winning raffle ticket from 1987 in his junk drawer for a round of golf with O.J. Simpson.  He cashes it in and become friends with O.J.  Fortunately for me, O.J. will probably be in prison when it airs.

IP:  Who’s your favorite character on Family Guy?  You wrote a book about Brian (the dog), “Brian Griffin’s Guide to Booze, Broads, and the Lost Art of Being a Man”.  Is he your pick?

AG:  I love to watch Stewie, because he’s such a little dick, and Seth’s voice acting is so funny and nuanced with him.  But I love to write for Peter, because he’s such an idiot and a lunatic, he can pretty much do anything at any given moment and it’ll still be in-character for him.

IP:  Ok, top 5 TV shows of all time.  Give them to us.

AG:  Seinfeld, Cheers, the first three or four seasons of “The West Wing,” 1990s Simpsons, and more recently the first season of “Friday Night Lights.”  Clear eyes, full hearts can’t lose.

IP:  If you had the opportunity to write for another show that’s on the air right now, what would it be?

AG:  I honestly have my dream job.  I actually have a fax that I sent my then-agent about five years ago, which was an article about Family Guy possibly being resurrected on which I scribbled “I’d give my left nut to work on this show,” and it’s stuck on my bulletin board.  But if I didn’t work hear, I think it’d be fun to work on “The Office” or “30 Rock.”

IP:  That writer’s strike was pretty long and brutal.  What was the wittiest picket sign you saw out there in the trenches?  Someone must have written something creative with all that time to think.

AG:  Yeah, it was an experience.  I actually got some of the artists here to draw a few picket signs for me.  My favorite had Brian with a picket sign sneaking a drink out of a flask on one side, and Stewie on the other side holding a sign that said “We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it.”

IP:  How did you pass the day during the strike besides picketing and whining?  Did you have anything else you were developing besides Family Guy?

AG:  Well, at the time, I was working on “Seth MacFarlane’s Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy,” a series of on-line shorts that my boss produced for Google.  The production company had made a tentative deal with the writers guild, like the one that David Letterman’s company made, so we were allowed to continue writing.  Otherwise, I spent a lot of time on the picket lines, and I was the strike captain for “Family Guy” and “American Dad.”  It was actually one of the busiest and most exhausting times of my life.

IP:  You’re a New York writer that now lives in L.A.  Is your life more like Hank Moody from Californication or Larry David from Curb Your Enthusiasm?

AG:  I don’t watch Californication, but based on what I know about it and my hairline, I’m gonna go with Larry David.

IP:  What do you miss most about life in New York?  The pizza?  The bagels?

AG:  I love living in LA, but I definitely miss New York.  Definitely miss the pizza and the bagels, and the bodegas, and not needing a car, and the energy of the city, and there are about 15 perfect days in New York, usually in like April or May, or September or October, that are just incredible, where there’s something in the air, which are somehow better than any perfect day in LA.  Oh, and I miss you.  And my parents.  And Francesco’s on Mamaroneck Ave.

IP:  I miss you too, like, alot.  Ok, I’ve got to ask.  You and I, for those who don’t know, had a sketch comedy slash talk show back in high school called Prime Time with Dan and Andrew (see pic above of Goldberg back in the day).  What were your fondest memories from the show?  Any favorite sketches or moments?

AG:  We had a lot of very fun times.  I remember a sketch we did where you and Meghan O’Rourke played Jeffrey Dahmer’s parents and me not being able to stop laughing.  “Name That STD” was of course a classic.  And Dave Epstein punching himself in the face until he fell down was terrific.

IP:  Finally, if your wife gave you a free pass to bang any cartoon chick, who would it be?

AG:  There’s one senior writer on our staff who has a pretty unhealthy crush on Lois, but I would have to go with Princess Jasmine from “Aladdin.”  Or Rosie the robot maid from “The Jetsons.”

GOLDBERG’S TOP 5 THE FAMILY GUY CLIPS

1.  Love this cutaway:

2.  Lost Osama video:

click here to watch

3.  I love this.  Great voice acting:

4.  This is my favorite moment from back in the day Family Guy (I think it’s from Season Two):

5.  You Have AIDS!

click here to watch

Andrew Goldberg, early 90’s style, at his Bar Mitzvah, courtesy of our boy Nick Kroll’s coffee table book Bar Mitzvah Disco.  What a ladies man that Andrew was.  Congrats to him and his wife on their recent one year anniversary, and stay tuned to Westcheddar for classic moments from Prime Time with Dan and Andrew, coming sooner than you can imagine…